What my dog taught me about raising my children

I now own more puppy raising books that I do parenting books. That's really no indication of my priorities, I swear. It's just that after nine years of parenting, I figure I'd better have this mom stuff figured out by now. And if I don't, it's likely too late anyway. The puppy, on the other hand, I've only had for a month and a half. The way I figure it, I have plenty of time left to scar HIM for life.
After reading so many parenting and puppy-raising books, I've noticed an alarming (or maybe enlightening) trend. THEY ARE THE SAME BOOK. Really. Just replace the picture of the baby on the dust jacket of any parenting book with a picture of a furry little labrador puppy, and you'd never know the difference. They both have chapters on "Developmental Stages and What To Do", "How They Learn", "Surviving the First Nights Home" and "Housebreaking". Housebreaking you say? Yes. I just finished housebreaking my toddler, thankyouverymuch. Trust me.
I have recently begun training my puppy to do all the same tricks that we teach our children. Sit, lay down, be quiet, stop chewing on the refridgerator cord....and have realized that the methods are the same.
You begin by showing the child/puppy what you want it to do. You then repeat yourself over and over again as the child/puppy gazes over your shoulder at something more interesting than you. You make a few attempts to become the center of attention again by patting your knees excitedly and talking in a high-pitched, squeaky voice. Child/puppy yawns. Then you get frustrated, throw up your hands and admit that you will never have a well behaved child/puppy that you can take to the park to play with other children/puppies and have any expectations of acceptable behavior. You compare your child/puppy to everyone else's and wonder if yours is normal and learning properly for it's age. You then take it to the pediatrician/veterinarian who assures you that it's just a stage and your child/puppy will outgrow it "soon".
Really though, I have noticed some eye-opening similarities. After nine years and about fifteen books all telling me someone else's version of how to be the perfect parent, I've finally realized that it isn't as complicated as it's made out to be. Enforce the rules without emotion. Be matter of fact and consistant. Don't give any attention to any behavior that is unacceptable and praise like a mad woman when they do what you ask.
So this great puppy book I'm reading, I wonder what kind of response I'm going to get when I give it as a gift at the next baby shower.